The main reason why I am so passionate about maternity photography is the opportunity for change. I really love the idea of a passage that life leads us to, in any form, is a growth experience if we can really open up to it.
Birth of course is a pretty well formed portal to the other side, as rock stars put it. I had some time and space to be very aware of what was emotionally coming up for me. There were some pretty intense very clear universal archetypes and personal past issues.
A lot of things came up about how I found myself here, in the pregnant state. Not really a conscious decision. I also felt like I was suddenly confined to this intense position of being a mother. For the next eighteen years. It is a overwhelming responsibility. I had to face my own lack of responsibility. Why had I not been more focused on the life that I did want, going deep inside, and following that path, with passion and courage.
I also had some father issues come up. I seemed to have a very tangible idea about what was be presented with this. What was his role in my life, or lack there of. Allowing this pain to come up and bleed through my emotional body, and out. It took a few months to get through.
A huge one, was the death of the maiden. I was no longer, going to be on my own. Ever. That time was ending, and there was nothing I could do about it. One day I could feel it on a physical level. My body was unresponsive to feeling. She was leaving my body. In the morning I could feel the beginning of acceptance, towards the mother.
After these had passed a bit, I started embracing the power and beauty of my body creating the life that was soon to be my child. The amount of love I was going to feel for her. The reality of a family. The joy of that connection. Forever. I was finding my alignment with my next stage of life.
I find that some women experience a kind of breakdown, for whatever reasons. Mostly relationships, I can only observe. There is a new beginning, therefore a huge letting go, with a very exact time period. This is not happening in your own time. It is happening now. This is a intense and vulnerable time. The time of insecurities to come up. Never mind the body being used for creating another being, not really taking you into consideration. Your bones being leached for your babies brain. It may feel a bit lonely. The hardest part, not being able to show any of this. How can you not be anything but joyful, grateful, ecstatic? How the shame can cloud you, hang over you head, follow you around.
My midwives told me that the uterus is the strongest muscle in the body. I am just learning about this now? How many other disempowering beliefs am I functioning from?
I started to consciously choose how to dialog with myself. I started seeing myself as a women, the same as women who birth their babies on the field, while sowing food. Not a big deal to them. Just another aspect of life. No fear.
Some women will come to be photographed in the middle of a flood of sadness. I can see it fall away as they reconnect with a body that is growing a person. How bad ass is that? Then they will start merging with the beauty of that reality. It then becomes a show of strength, of power. This is also elevating the way we perceive this time. Rising to the challenge. Raising of our cultural standards. This is a transformation on all levels. May it be so.